Last evening as I was talking to a friend, I caught a glimpse of a part of me that I have tried to ignore, annihilate, and bury over the years. It was just enough of a glimpse to feel a spark of hope that maybe… just maybe…that part of me is still alive.
Big. Deep. Breath.
It is something I have wanted and dreamed about for more than 30 years. Something I have made several attempts to be and do. Each attempt has been met with disappointment. After each failed attempt I have tried even harder to hide it away and bury it so I didn’t have to feel the pain of the disappointment. And each time I have buried a little more of myself along with it.
The glimpse opened the door again. Just a tiny crack. I can’t peek in just yet. Right now, I am only able to sit with the essence of it…of her…of the me that I want to fully embrace. I am holding her heart softly in my hands and not putting any pressure on her. I am simply breathing alongside her.
I can almost feel the glimpse shifting something inside me. I feel like standing a little taller and smiling a little more. Maybe becoming begins this quietly.
And for today…that feels like enough.
Softly,
Suzi